Despite the fact that power struggles interfere with harmonious relationships, many couples are plagued by them. People who maneuver for power are often trying to correct a sense of powerlessness that developed in childhood, usually the result of growing up with an over controlling parent. But we will never be able to improve our personal sense of power by controlling others. That’s an inside job that requires a willingness to look at oneself honestly. People in healthy relationships aren’t motivated by competition or the need to control. They understand that empowering their partner actually…
Empowers themselves.
Steve and Jarl
This one resonated with me. I think I am a controlling person because I like routine and it helps my confidence and self worth. I like things a certain way. I don’t think i had controlling parents though, I was very shy as a child. Can you help with the idea of “looking at oneself honestly and how do i change”.?
Hi Cathy,
Thank you for your comment and inquiry! First, by controlling, in this post we’re referring to trying to control others.
‘Honestly looking at yourself’ refers to checking in with yourself to see if you are honest in the way you present yourself to others, for instance, do you say what you think they want to hear, or do you say what’s real? Do you act in alignment with what you really feel or do you do what you think will get you what you want? It’s really just simply looking at your own behavior to see how real it is.
The change comes when you realign your words and actions with the truth of how you feel. It can be scary to do, because of the fear of backlash from others not liking it, but if you live in alignment with who you really are and are truthful about how you feel, others will feel more safe and secure around you. Those who aren’t in sync with you will fall away and you’ll realize that they were not a positive force in your life anyway.
Hope this clarifies. Please feel free to respond.