What bothers us most about other people is often the very thing we don’t acknowledge or accept in ourselves. Our egos like us to think our judgments are all about others. But, because it’s so difficult for us to look at ourselves objectively, life uses the people around us as mirrors to reflect what we need to see to expand our self-awareness. This isn’t to say that we can’t discern good behavior from bad, but when a judgment causes a major emotional reaction in us, it’s a sign that we’re projecting. Otherwise, we’d just feel…
Compassion.
Jarl and Steve
Thank you mam
Love
Dear mam
I want to ask you something not related to this insight.if I may..
I have a to do list.i update it regularly.but the not so fascinating thing is much of it wont get accomplished.I dont know how to develop the skill of saying no.
Saying no first to my inner compulsions.i think by doing meditation and yoga I could create a detachment from my thoughts and emotions and could remain unaffected by it.i am trying to accomplish it well.its in the process nit yet fully accomplished.
But second one ,saying no to external compulsions,is creating very difficulties for me.whenever I try to say no to someone I think I am being selfish.i fear I lose their relationship or love.i fear they stop caring me the way they used to be before I said no.
The result will be my disappointment.my priority list stay unaccomplished leaving me alone with my unhappiness.
How will I tackle it mam.please help me to gain a better perspective about saying no.
Love
Sarath
Dear Sarath, Real love is not conditional. If your friends don’t love you because you don’t do what they want, they don’t really love you in the first place. You can never satisfy others needs, mainly because you can’t always know what they want and secondly because it’s every person’s responsibility to satisfy our own needs. The more authentic you are, the more you’ll attract people who are in alignment with your own values. It’s never selfish to take care of your own needs even if it means you have to say no to another. It’s honest, it’s real and it’s being responsible. If everyone took care of their own needs they wouldn’t selfishly be wanting someone else to take care of them. (Of course there are exceptions, children and older parents.) That doesn’t mean that we don’t care for others. It just means that we do it after we’ve taken care of our own needs. That way, you’ll be happy and one of the best things you can offer friends and family and the world is…A happy you.